My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

Rating: ★★★★★

Dates Read: 12/12/21 - 12/13/21

    My Dark Vanessa is a very dark, heavy story that takes us through a dual timeline of Vanessa's affair with her teacher. We have the year 2000, when Vanessa is fifteen and her teacher, Jacob Strane, is forty two, their affair begins. We then have 2017, amid the multiple allegations against powerful men, Strane is accused of sexual abuse by a former student, who reaches out to Vanessa. Vanessa finds herself facing an impossible choice: keep quiet, firm in the belief that her teenage self was a willing participant in this relationship, or redefine everything. 

    “I never would have done it if you weren’t so willing,” he’d said. It sounds like delusion. What girl would want what he did to me? But it’s the truth, whether anyone believes it or not. Driven toward it, driven toward him, I was the kind of girl that isn’t supposed to exist: one eager to hurl herself into the path of a pedophile. But no, that word isn’t right, never has been. It’s a cop-out, a lie in the way it’s wrong to call me a victim and nothing more. He was never so simple; neither was I."

    The fact that this is Russell’s debut novel is incredible, and it makes me excited for their future books. My Dark Vanessa is precisely that, dark. This book made me feel sick while reading and was hard to read. I liked the dual timeline and the book overall. Reading as Vanessa tries to justify what happened between her and Strane over and over was heartbreaking. As heartbreaking as it was, it’s authentic. This is probably the only book I’ve ever rated five stars that I most likely won’t reread. Overall I highly recommend this book if you can handle the contents, and I can’t wait to read more from this author.